Until Then

February 7, 2009 at 2:18 am Leave a comment

Until Then
–by JAC

A smile crept up your sullen face
I’ve always been able to turn your frown upside down
But even then I knew

Time will come when not even the sight of me
Or the sound of my voice
Can wake you from the nightmares
That continue to haunt your peace

Until then…I will remain your hope
Until then…I know I’m the only one for you
Until then…I know you love me too
But until when…

Since we dared to allow fate to cross our paths
Your eyes never left mine
My hand never empty without yours wrapped around mine
As I watch you watch me for the hundredth time

I fail to hide a sad smile from my face
As I fight back the tears inside
Without question you wrapped your arms around me
Attempting to keep me from the truth we both know…

I love you…you love me too
But until when…

Every story has an ending
Every fairy tale no matter how happy ends
It doesn’t help that we have no say of what tomorrow may bring

Until when can we hold on
Until when will it be time to let go

But until then…I’ll be safe in your arms and believe in forever
Until then…now is enough while you’re mine
Until then…our love will be enough
Enough to get us through. Until then.

–END

Photographs taken during my travels around the Philippines.

But for how long? We consciously use the people that care for us most, people who still hope, who still hang on. We use them for the comfort, the safety net and for the company. But what do we offer them in return?

“…trying to figure someone out takes up a lot of energy.”
– Greg Behrendt

“Don’t waste the pretty.”
– Greg Behrendt

Yes. The author of “he’s not just into you”. A dear friend of mine lent it to me.

I asked: “Have you learned a lot from it?”

She answers: “I still make the same mistakes. What chapter are you reading now? He’s not that into you if he’s breaking up with you? I’ve read that a few times already (looks at me and smiles). And he’s not that into you if he’s disappeared on you? That too (smiles again). (Looks into the mirror, doing her makeup, still with that smile) I still remain hopeful.”

There was a time that “I love you” was a sentence that you never withheld. When the emotion and the moment was right, you never hesitated.

And then you experience a shift, a change, a transformation…whether conscious or not, for better or for worse. This event either morphs or takes away bits and pieces of what you thought of yourself, taking with it memories, habits, and values, and then it locks them away, covers them up, leaving you with a false impression of a clean slate.

“I won’t get scammed again…”
“I won’t let him hurt me again…”
“I won’t get fucked over again…”
“I won’t use that again…”
“I won’t put my hand in the cookie jar again…”
“Never again” you say.

Until you see another get rich scheme, another guy, another girl, the same drug, another chocolate chip cookie…until you repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Until you don’t say “I love you” as much. When you hold that sentence so close to your heart that it hurts you more and more to even say it.

That’s why you fail to sustain that fervor and care. That’s why you take her for granted. That’s why she stays.

Love is not enough. Is it worth it? You should leave him. Take what is left and move on.

Until I find myself again.

–KJNC

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Entry filed under: change, community, family, growth, healing, ideals, inspiration, introspection, journal, love, passion, pride, relationships, then, thoughts, until, until then, wisdom.

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